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“We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves.” ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?” Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who don’t know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Your lateness might be jeopardizing your other relationships too. Do not continue with this tradition of being late. “I forgot” might seem as a perfect excuse in your life but it is among the habits girls hate most. Forgetfulness is forgiven in small measures and mostly when the result is not so important. A consistent habit of always missing the finer details pisses off those around you your girlfriend included. Men irritate mostly because they rarely forget about the things which are important to them. They always remember to pick up their beer on their way home and also that poker game. It is funny that when it comes to small favors or dates they are not eager to attend, their memory lets them down. Girls will usually translate your forgetfulness about her birthday, or promises as mere ignorance. She does not matter to you, so soon you might as well forget about her as she forgets about you.

Girls hate finding out from an outsider something about their guy. Everyone has some little skeletons in the closet. You keep on hoping that she will never find out. To keep your relationship safe, just fill her in on the secret. Once she finds out by herself it will be such a blow to the relationship you will be shocked. Omitting the little details is only allowed in the first and second date. After that you are to let her take you in with all your messes and your strong points. When it comes to occasions like birthdays, weddings or even her grandfathers’ 55th anniversary party, you ought not to underestimate it as it is among the habits girls hate. Your presence counts but your enthusiasm counts more. Attend the occasions while well-dressed, impressed and off course with a gift. On valentine’s day do not even dare whine about how insignificant it is. She is well aware that your romance is not determined by the world’s convention but it is important to her therefore it is important.

Girls hate it when men stare at other women. They feel that their own looks are undermined and they also feel embarrassed. It is among habits girls hate when he is so distracted by other women such that it becomes hard for him to concentrate on his date. Stop commenting about other women and gawking at them. Be kind to give your girl the admiration and the respect she deserves. Women play a game of zero-sum of comparing themselves with other women. If you compliment another girl’s hair she will assume that hers is not good enough to be noticed.

Even scarier, I agree with Ben Stein’s position in his New York Times piece August 8. Chicken Little got it wrong. The sky isn’t falling. And healthy financial adjustments are being made from Wall Street to Main Street.

But let me take Stein’s premise one step further.

While Stein attributes the stock market correction largely to subprime mortgage fears and a panic exacerbated by the media, the real estate market is behaving in a similarly petulant way.

Despite the best discounts in years, no one is buying. Investors are sitting on the fence. Media mavens, looking for strong angles at editorial budget meetings are jumping all over the alleged real estate market crash story when what’s really happening is likely closer to a healthy industry correction.

Consolidation is good for business. It weeds out the marginal, the fraudsters, the corporate wanna-bes. The over-leveraged. The real estate and stock markets will come back – at a deliberate and sustainable pace. And we will all be better for it.

Remember those offers of generous equity lines? Gone.

How about getting a mortgage with a credit score below 600? Not a chance.

Exotic mortgage instruments that don’t verify buyer income? Good riddance.

Greed, for lack of a better word is human nature. So is avoidance. Consequences be damned. And we are all to blame.

A glance at the headlines at Condo Vultures LLC sums up the general panic. If there is any positive in the reporting, I haven’t seen it.

The media lives in a heaven or hell world. Investors, and the financial institutions that serve them, have the Sword of Damocles dangling over their heads. Not that some consternation isn’t deserved. It is.

So now that the self-flagellation is over, let’s suck it up and get back to reality.

When the devalued dollar begins to rise again, it will already be too late for foreign buyers in Tokyo or the United Kingdom looking for a good U.S. acquisition.

I believe the same holds true for real estate. By the time the market begins to turn, valuable equity will be left on the table for those buyers looking for even more discounted prices.

Whether you are playing the stock market or the real estate market, a buyer’s market is all about good pricing, and not about knowing the perfect time to pounce.

It is overwhelming right now…everyone is talking about the pain in the market. The stock market is so unpredictable. One day it’s down to the lowest low in years, and then the next day it’s back up. Who can trust it? The banks in Canada are pulling some of their most popular mortgage and financing programs because they aren’t lending as much money and don’t need the creative programs anymore. The media is full of bad news stories… housing sales are down, foreclosures are up, there is no money and we are doomed! It is very hard to ignore. But, you should ignore it.

Remember, real estate investing is all about finding a good deal. You can find good deals in any market, but it is actually easier to find good deals when nobody else is looking. And right about now…nobody else is looking! Take a moment to get clear on what you want to achieve, then get out there and find good properties that meet your objectives. You will be glad that you did.

About 7 years ago my wife and I started our real estate investing partnership. Our first purchase together was a duplex in foreclosure. The building was only 11 years old at the time and had potential for great cash flow (it was near schools, transportation, a lake and shopping and services which would make it an attractive place for renters). The market where we bought had crashed and this property had been listed for sale on and off for over 15 months. The price had dropped from $199,000 to $179,000 to $169,000 and then went into foreclosure.

We ended up getting the property for $159,000 and within 12 months, had a nice positive cashflow of $300 per month. Since then, the rental rates have almost doubled, and while the value has more than doubled, it’s always been about the cash-flow. We timed the market well, but we weren’t sophisticated enough to do that on purpose. Our goal was to get a solid property that would generate money each month. If it had gone down in value, it would not really matter because we would still be collecting the rent and paying down the mortgage with the rent.

It has been one of the best purchases we’ve made and we are grateful we have it. Our objectives in real estate investing have changed a bit since then, but we are still looking for good deals. While we look for strong market indicators (future job growth, stable government, population growth, investments in transportation), we don’t look to buy into a market. We look to get into a deal. Stay true to your objectives and search for the deal, don’t try to time the market.

Are you sitting on the sidelines doing nothing right now? Remember…the worst thing you can do is nothing, so ignore the fear and the loathing and take action on your objectives.